LOST: "Orientation"

Seeing as we still have a week to go before new "LOST" episodes, and seeing as my brain is stuck in quicksand, I thought I'd share with you the recap of "Orientation" that I wrote for Shannon when she missed the episode! Shannon my friend, not Shannon the character. 'Cause that would be pretty weird. Keep in mind that I'd just started watching "LOST" and, pre-Netflix, had to rely on people returning their Blockbuster DVDs and had not seen the preceding five episodes.



Down The Hatch!


It starts out with Jack wandering around the sewers, but I guess that is the hatch? And the Scottish Dude has a gun to Locke's head and Locke is doing that crazy thing with his eyes where one stares forward and one goes to the side, and he is awesome.

And Sawyer, Michael, and Jin are captured by native looking people and get put in a dirt hole with bamboo or something crisscrossing over the top. And some Latina looking chick is there, all pouty and mysterious.

And meanwhile, I am wondering where Charlie is.

And there's some back and forth going on in the sewers and yelling, and then they watch a movie with an Asian man who is not speaking Korean, but rather English, and I don't know what he's talking about. And Jack looks constipated, and Locke clenches his jaw, and Scottish Dude crazies about.

And pretty, pretty Sawyer and the gang are still in the hole (owwww!) and Mysterious Latina Chick is all, "I'm from Flight 815" and then you really freak out because she was in the back! HOW FREAKING SCARY! And then you think, "Maybe Rose's husband IS alive, although Rose might not be," since you haven't seen her since the time she yelled at Charlie to stop feeling sorry for himself even though all she did for the first 7 episodes was stare at the sea and clutch her cross necklace. But then you, or rather, I, think maybe she is actually dead, 'cause I haven't seen the last 5 episodes, and if they killed Boone, God's Friggin Gift To Humanity ™Shannon, TWoP then why not Rose? But then you think maybe they wouldn't kill off the only black woman on the island because their casting diversity is bad enough as it is.

And then there is much talk of numbers, and there is some scoreboard on the wall of the sewers, and Jack, Scottish Dude, and Locke yell about numbers, and faith and blah blah blah, Jack's science, Locke's mysticism, let's move on...

...to a flashback! And it's the best kind, 'cause it's Locke, and Terry O'Quinn rules. So you see him at some meeting of sad people, and some bad actress is complaining how she wants her 30 dollars back, and Locke is all, "DUDE I WANT MY KIDNEY BACK SO QUIT YER WHININ" and then Peg Bundy is there, and she's hitting on Locke.

And I really am worried about Charlie.

And then Michael asks Mysterious Latina Chick if she's seen Walt, and she says no, and I wonder if Vincent is also missing again, as he is wont to do.

And Locke is getting dressed in Peg Bundy's apartment, who is known here as Helen, who you'll remember Locke invited her or a Helen to his walkabout, or wheelabout, in Sydney but she said no. And Peg Bundy is all, "where are you going" and Locke is all, "I can't sleep here, sawry sawry, I like you, I'll call." And Peg Bundy looks sad, but also in deep thought.

As does Kate, 'cause that's how she always looks, and she is in the sewer and may have been there all along, but no one cares. And Jack, Scottish Dude, and Locke argue some more, but I really don't understand what's going on.

And it turns out that Locke goes to sit outside his kidney-stealing dad's house every night and his dad is all, "Dude." And he is a bastard, and we hate him, and Locke cries, and it's so sad.

And but what is this! Turns out Mysterious Latina Chick was in cahoots with the native people, and was pumping Sawyer, Michael, and Jin, well not so much Jin, for information!

And Jack storms off and finds a pantry full of food.

And Peg Bundy and Locke are out to dinner, and she gives him a key to her place, but first making him promise that he'll stop creepily spying on his dad, and Locke agrees, and it's very sweet, and you wish that Peg Bundy was on the island especially now that his boyfriend Boone, God's Friggin Gift To Humanity™, has since passed on.

And turns out, Scottish Dude saw Jack in L.A. and something about a skull, and his wife Sarah, and Jack starts crying.

And Sawyer, Michael and Jin are all sweaty and like, oh dear.

And somehow, Hurley and Sayid end up in the sewer, and there is this big thing about a code for the scoreboard, and they are inputting that lottery number, and Hurley's all NO NO NO, but then Jack has one of his last-minute changes of heart, and comes back and is like, "It's not 32, it's 42. (Scottish Dude) told me." And that works? And then Locke is all, "It has to be us!" And they argue for 25 years about faith versus reason, but finally Jack pushes the button and it resets to 108, and he does that thing where he stares ahead and looks like he isn't breathing, and Locke looks all sagelike. And I really didn't get what any of that was about, but I think it was important.

And now here is Peg Bundy, catching Locke spying on his dad again, and she's all :( and Locke is all :o


THE END






©2005