Stuff I Have Raring To Go As Soon As I Get Rich

A Lotion Line
It would be like if Cetaphil had all different levels of lotion. Extremely gentle and creamy, but set up like milk bottles – skim, lowfat, whole, and half and half. The higher the "fat content," the richer the lotion. The colors would coordinate with regular milk colors (blue, yellow, red, pink/purple). There would also be a little heavy cream that was for night time. And there would be a brown cocoa-scented one for chocolate milk!


A Drive-In Movie Theater
Because the fact that there are none left around me is utter bullshit, and I never got to partake in any backseat festivities. Not a fair thing to do to a girl who grew up reading Sweet Valley High, Cheerleaders, and like, every book written in the fifties. My theater would show older movies. That way, you get the people who want nostalgia and to be reminded of their youth, and less pressure for stellar quality, which would ruin the ambience anyway. Basically also, I just want the power to put "Poltergeist" on a big screen.


Jude’s®
Jude’s is my coffeehouse/bar. Think The Bronze from "Buffy" meets Panna II in Manhattan, minus the Indian food (sadly). It would have the coziness and artistic appeal of a coffeehouse, only difference being that you have alcohol to help you deal with coffeehouse types. It stinks that everything is either a non-drinking activity or a bar. Sometimes you don’t necessarily want to drink (or so I’m assuming, I heard this happens to people) but you want to just chill. Not get all hopped up on caffeine and have to snap for open mic night, but not go to a bar and not drink, because that sucks. Jude’s would be the ultimate alternative and the different tables would have boards from board games as the table tops, and inside would be the pieces. Because obviously the tables need to open like school desks. Plus I would have a sick jukebox that all my musician friends could put their CDs in. Eventually when Jude’s became a mega-hit, I’ll expand it to have a really nice stage to house bands, karaoke, open mic (shudder), and plays written and performed by independent artists, as well as "The Real Live Just the 10 of Us," a la "The Real Live Brady Bunch," which I am still mad I missed out on.


The Playground
Fine. I give up, okay? If the dumbass parents of today want to ruin their children’s lives with their bullshit playgrounds because God forbid Little Johnny skin a knee or Precious Ashley burn her legs on a hot slide, then I can’t stop them. I will save this rant about how much I hate the parents of today and how the abuse of children via food and non-exercise is an accepted form of child abuse another day. For now I will leave it at this: today’s playgrounds suck. A lot. And I’m pissed not just on a sociological level, but on a personal level, because I love playgrounds! So I will open a playground for adults! Slides, swings, trapezes, Discovery Zone stuff – it will all be there. And it will be awesome. Because at the end of the day, the world really needs a Golf ’n Stuff type of place. I can’t get the insurance for go-karts yet, though.


A Lingerie Store
It’s pretty stupid that you have to wait for Halloween to get good lingerie. Either stores are worthless (Victoria’s Secret), awesome but pretty standard (Frederick’s), or just too creepy (most "adult" stores). I want to open a lingerie store that’s all costumes and novelty lingerie, combined with the comfiness of a VS store (the stores are beautiful, just the underwear sucks and good luck finding a single thing if you have boobs). Because let’s face it, sometimes when you’re shopping for something fun, the sight of giant dildos everywhere can make the whole experience more unsettling than anything. This way it’s all out on the table and you don’t have to deal with creepy dudes at the Halloween store asking if that costume is for Halloween.


"Mommie Dearest": The Musical!
Apparently there’s some thing on YouTube, but dammit, I had the idea first! And either way, mine will be a full-scale production at the red level of ridiculousness. Also it will be interactive like "Rocky Horror." Also you can go see it at Jude’s.


As a final note, a Harry Potter Theme Park was totally on the list. I wanted the Islands of Adventure people to do it, because it’s like, seriously this would be the best thing ever. But as it turns out, they’re already doing it! And it’s going to be at Islands of Adventure!!! BEST PLACE EVER!!! I’m so excited!!!

Here it is!


What ideas do you have, if only someone would pony up the cash?





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