You Don't Bring Me Flowers Anymore

So I have a few things I need to get off my chest. Heh. About Valentine's Day.

Okay, joking is over now and here is where I need to yell at people, because if I can save one Valentine's Day for one person out there, I will have done my job.

I was reading a blog yesterday, and I have no beef at all with her blog, but I definitely have beef with some of the comments, not because of what they SAID, but because of...what they said.

LISTEN UP. Are you one of those charmers who bitches and moans about how you don't "do" Valentine's Day because it's a Hallmark holiday and you don't need someone telling you when to treat your significant other (SO) right.

Are you?

Because I can end your righteous indignation at me by saying, that's totally fine. I even sort of agree with you in ways. But it's only cool if your SO feels the same way.

It's one day a year. One day a year and even back in the day I could understand not doing flowers because I'm hardpressed to think of a more sensory-overwhelming task than waiting on line in Wick's on Valentine's Day, but now with all the Internet sites available, heck, even gas stations and supermarkets -- you can do SOMEthing without inconveniencing your precious hate-the-man time too much.

Well, they up the price of roses. Sure. So get birds of paradise; get irises; get tulips -- but get something.

Maybe your girl's not into flowers, which is cool. Get her candy. Get her a bracelet from a flea market. SOMEthing.

And get a card.

This goes not for people who just started dating, which is a tricky situation that needs to be taken not too seriously although I do think a rose and a funny card is nice there, but for people in established relationships. For people especially who say "I love you" and/or have sex.

Because it's one day. And because you can. And because you should. You don't have to be Bob Vance, but you DO have to not be Roy, if you hear what I'm saying. To not give anything to your SO on Valentine's Day is thoughtless and unnecessarily cruel.

Yes, cruel.

Because it's one day.

And in case you were wondering how Stephanie's blog fits in, or why I'm so riled up, this is not for myself. This is for all the women who posted comments talking about how they'd be shocked if their husband remembered Valentine's Day, and how they haven't gotten flowers in forty years. That sort of thing.

SO.

WRONG.

Cultural traditions have varying degrees of importance, but they are cultural traditions, Hallmark or otherwise. Meaning, why would you shun a day that fakey or not, is a day dedicated to celebrating love and romance?

That said, I also believe (and I realize I'm gender stereotyping fast and furious, but I'm trying to make a point) that women need to not be spoiled harpies on Valentine's Day. It's not a contest, or a race, or anything like that. Who cares what your friend got for Valentine's Day; did the efforts of your SO make you smile? That's what should matter. Not the cost of what you got, but the effort and love behind it.

I'm set. I have a boyfriend who's great on Valentine's Day. Last year, he sent me two-dozen long-stemmed roses and that was awesome. But no less special was the year before, when we were unestablished but dating, when he gave me one rose and a card and teddy bear and took me out to dinner.

Which brings me to my main point. We didn't make plans that first year for dinner, because we were so new and weren't officially boyfriend and girlfriend, and it was a weeknight anyway. So when the time came to choose a restaurant, we had to actively look for an unromantic restaurant at which to eat. I'm a waitress; I know the clusterfuck that Valentine's Day can be at a restaurant.

So we went to Famous Dave's BBQ.

And it was awesome.

And now that is our tradition -- we get dressed up as if for a fancy restaurant and go to a blessedly uncrowded place and get unfrazzled service, and have an awesome time.

So I'm not yelling at guys to pony up a king's ransom for one day a year. I'm yelling at the guys who take their women for granted. And vice versa: ladies, your SO is not your piggy bank or your Daddy Warbucks; so don't act like it.

But celebrate a day of love, if you are lucky enough to have it. And if you're not in love, you can still get in the spirit! Give flowers to your friends and family; have a horror-moviefest with your other single friends -- it's all good.

You don't have to be with someone to have love in your life. But if you do? Treat them special.






©2008