More blonde moments

Those Kittens Looked Like Twins:
An Evening Of One-Acts


Setting: Drinking at Bluepoint Brewery while talking to Danielle.

Danielle: Oh, Judi! You have a tattoo! What does it mean!

Me: Oh, it's the Chinese symbol for "friend."

Danielle: Keith! Keith! Look at Judi's tattoo!

Me: (thinking Danielle's just showing him 'cause he's into tattoos, even though mine, while special to me and I've had it for 10 years, is hardly that impressive.)

Keith: (sees my tattoo, eyes light up.)

Keith: (shows me his tattoo on calf, a big Asian symbol.)

Me: Ohhhh, that's so cool! What does that mean!

Keith: (disbelievingly) It's...

Danielle:...the SAME thing you have.

Me: Ohhhh. Hahahahah, well, YAY!

Everybody else: WOW ™Jim Halpert.


*******


Setting: Hanging out with Javier

Javier: Jumpin' Jehosophat!

Me: (Unphased, since I've been talking like a fifty-year-old Southern woman my entire life, and also because part of my soul is usually off on Green Gables somewhere, and it did not phase me in the least to hear it from my decidedly un-fifty, un-Southern, un-wanting to live in a barn, boyfriend.)

Javier: That is a reference to a movie I don't expect you to know, but it's where I heard that expression for the first time.

Me: Ummm..."(Some bad guess)"

Javier: No, it was "The Sword and the Stone."

Me: Oh.

Me: (All deep and full of mad knowledge, smug in my wisdom) I don't think that's where it originated, though.

Javier: No...

Javier: (double take)

Javier: ...It's from Arthurian legend.

Me: Oh!!! Hahaha! Okay!

Javier: WOW.


*******


Setting: Javier and I are trying to decide what to eat, as we are feeling more exotic than usual. So Chili's® it is!

Me: (hit with brilliant new, but just as classy, plan.)

Me: Hey, what about Applebees! There is one RIGHT near me, on 107, at least I think it's 107, the other side of it is 107. But you make a right, and there is an Applebees like, RIGHT there!

Javier: I don't know that one.

Me: (Feel like new Queen of Knowledge, since I finally know where something is all by myself.)

Javier: Oh, wait, is it near the big factory and the hospital?

Me: (Crestfallen, as my new crown has been unceremoniously torn from my hands, like a Miss America caught doing porn.)

Me: I don't KNOW. But I DO know there is an Applebees there.

Us: (Decide to get Chili's® anyway.)


Four days later


Javier: (Driving us somewhere on 107.)

Me: See, there's the Applebees!

Me: (Proud.)

Javier: Right, and...see? The factory?

Me: (Look to right, see stacks and stacks of smoky buildings taking up huge expanse of land.)

Me: Ohhhhh, yeah, how about that!

Javier: You've never noticed that before?

Me: (Cannot answer, as brain is busy chasing puppies and unicorns through sparkly cloud.)




©2007