Chips In My Hand + Chips On My Shoulder = Suspension From School??

"Oh, so it's chips all around, is it? Someone must have bought the party pack." ~ Spike

Can I just say that I got suspended in 7th grade because I wouldn't throw away my potato chips? True story.

Let me begin by saying that I went to South Shore Christian, a very strange school. I loved it, and I wouldnt change anything about having gone there for a second, but every now and then, they went a bit wack-a-doo Babz. So, the year was 1987. My age, 12. And I guess they had just instituted this policy that didn't allow the students to take food out of the cafeteria after the bell had rung. Why? I dont know. It probably had something to do with sex.

Anyway, so one autumn afternoon, I had purchased Cottage Fries with my lunch. However, as the lunch hour, or rather, lunch 40 minutes, wore on, I grew full and didn't desire my snack any longer. I will save it for after school, I told myself. OR SO I THOUGHT. On my way out, I was stopped by the National Guard, or rather, Mrs. Melillo the music teacher, who informed me that I was not going anywhere with those chips! But they weren't opened, I explained. No matter, I was not to leave with them. I was to throw them out. WHY? That was a waste of money and food, and totally bureaucratic, in my humble, 12-year-old opinion.

I guess I got pissy and smart mouthed, as was/is my wont, for during the very next period (Biology with Mrs. Murray), I was called out of class by Reverend Cole, the principal. He was all serious, telling me that I had been very rude to Mrs. Melillo, that it wasn't her fault I couldn't keep my Cottage Fries, and that I was not to backtalk to teachers, and...

...I was being suspended from school.

?!?!?!

I mean, wait, WHAT? Despite my temper and tendency to mouth off to authority figures when I am threatened, I am usually able to objectively assess situations after the fact, and was even then, and be like, "Okay, that sucks, but it was my bad." Only I wouldn't have said "my bad" in '87, because it had not yet crept into the vernacular, at least not at South Shore, but the point is, to this day, I maintain that suspension was just A BIT MUCH. And it was an AT-HOME suspension, no less! That was like, the serious couterpart to the in-school suspension.

I must give my mother mad props for her handling of the situation. She of all people knew what a smartass I could be, but she also knew that suspending me was beyond ridiculous and crackheaded of the higher ups at good old SSCS. She didnt even tell my dad, and outside of the suspension itself, I didnt get in trouble at all.

In fact, the suspension itself ended up being quite lovely. All I did the entire day was stay in my room and read Sweet Valley High. Bed, books, and rain on an October day? Best. Punishment. Ever!

©2006