Fox + Stab At Sophistication = Weird Mess

Is it just me, or was last night's "American Idol" very weird? Everybody seemed embarrassed and confused, which, I'm sorry, but you're on "American Idol." You don't get to be embarrassed. What's with the "Musicals? Eh, wha-at?" attitude? I admit that I'm a bit prejudiced on this one. I was a drama major for about five minutes, and did a bunch of theater and own a lot of soundtracks. However, I completely understand that musicals are not everyone's cup of tea.

That said...SUCK IT UP. Simon? I know your schtick is to be the grumpy, pull-no-punches guy, but your palpable boredom throughout the night really grated. The theme was musicals. Deal with it. You claim to like Nadia, and she's been on the line for the past couple of weeks due to, according to you, less than stellar song choices. Well, last night she kicked it into high gear, looking GORGEOUS and classy and perfect, and she picked a great song and gave it her all. Time was short, and she deserved better from you than your petulant bitching at Ryan Seacrest about the theme choice.

And, Bo? I love you and everything, but, "I closed my eyes and pointed and prayed?" Give me a break. Because you're a "rocker," you have never heard of a single musical? If you're too cool to do show tunes, you're too cool to be on "American Idol" in the first place. But you're awesome, in my opinion, because youre a rocker and not afraid to cheese it up on AI. Your song choice was all right, and I think you did an okay job. But I think you could have become the coolest guy in the world if you'd found a song that you heard and loved and really believed in. Or if you sang "Edelweiss" like the spoilers said you were going to. Either way, there are like 25 billion show tunes cooler than Edwin McCain's "Ill Be," so come on.

No one else really bugged me that much, although I was disappointed by some of the choices. I mean, "People?" Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz. "Climb Every Mountain?" Nice sentiment, Anthony, but you would have done so well with some scrappy cute boy song, like "Cool" from "West Side Story" or something. I just don't know that Mother Superior was the best fit for you, ya know? And I liked Scott's "The Impossible Dream" well enough, but I can't be objective about that because things were very awkward, what with the controversy. Nikko and Anwar were just great and awesome and I have no complaints about them.

However. HOWEVER. The thing that blew my mind the most last night is that I didn't hate Constantine or Carrie. I kind of even liked them. Which...no. It's too surreal. Maybe it's because now the judges call Constantine a poseur every week and he is cool about it so I find it endearing. Anyway, I liked Constantine and I kind of LOVED Carrie. She's like a million times less annoying when Simon isn't kissing her ass nonstop, and she sounded fantastic. Simon disagreed, but I thought the old-fashioned musical thing was really working for her.

So, stop it, "American Idol." Agree on the themes beforehand, or if you can't, then dont argue about it in front of the kids. Get it together and quit being weird.

©2005