My Kingdom For A Coffee

The vending machine promised me a tasteful blend of coffee and chocolate in my Cafe Mocha, but this is neither tasteful nor chocolatey. Nor coffee-y, for that matter. This is what happens when I run out of money and can't get coffee from Coffee Cart Man. Grossness. I guess it's like the coffee equivalent of turning to crack. You might ask, "Why would you, a basically sane person and a great lover of coffee, purchase such dreck?" My answer would be that I could purchase it with the 65 cents that magically appeared at the bottom of my pocketbook. So I am ashamed, and also a bit afraid of the round white chunks floating at the top, but I need my coffee. Maybe I should have hedged my bets on another buyback from Coffee Cart Man by wearing something sexier than a Powerpuff Girls t-shirt and baggy jeans. But I didn't think ahead.

Obviously. It's pretty pathetic that this happens every time I get to the end of a pay cycle. Tomorrow at 8 or 9 a.m., Ill be X-amount of dollars richer, but I need to remember that I still have to budget. Because I really don't want to experience this madness again. Buying two dollars worth of gas at a time is depressing, especially when I am excited that the needle on the gauge actually moves to the E, instead of hovering ominously below. And Babz is not going to let me bum cigarettes forever. She's already been fixing me with The Glare.

And really, the coffee situation. I guess I am an official addict, because this week I've gone without food, and without gas, in order to get my fix from Coffee Cart Man. But you know, as grateful as I am that he provides for me, why in the world do we not have a coffeemaker here at my job? Every other place Ive worked had community coffee. I thought that was part of the deal. Part of the compensation for being an office cliche -- the bottomless mug of coffee. Yes, many of the times, the community coffee hurt my stomach. And yes, the people who'd leave only half an inch in the pot without making more incurred my indignant wrath, but the coffee was there.

But not now. And now my machine coffee has cooled, so I'm not even getting that invigorating warmth. Nothing. It's sadness in a paper cup. So next pay cycle, I am going to try very hard to budget, because my love affair with coffee is way too precious for me to be mocking it in this way.

©2005

She Never Sleeps...But She Eats Popcorn

So unfortunately my weekend was pretty bad, and I blame Shannon. She is my best friend since 1986, and even though we now have jobs and are not in high school anymore (to put it mildly), I see her almost every single day. So when she fell victim to the croup last week, I knew it was probably a matter of time before I was sick, too. And I was right. Coughing, dizziness -- both were a part of my weekend, so I mostly just slept, and don't have anything awesome to write about, weekend-wise. Except maybe my hair, which reacted to not being washed or brushed for three days with a remarkable otherworldliness that was quite amazing to behold.

But rather than write about my hair, I will instead take this downtime to share with you all an excellent way to spend your weekend, should you have access to a tiny friend with wonderful improv skills. I speak again of Shannon. When she told me before Halloween that she was going to be Samara from "The Ring," I thought, Awesome! Samara scares the CRAP out of me, for real. At that point in time, all my brother Eric had to do to was pretend to be Samara coming out of the TV, and I would scream and flail about, unable to deal with my fears.

So although I was excited for Shannon's costume, I was not prepared, not at all, for the complete transformation I was about to witness. We were spending Halloween at my local bar, Stingers. I had already arrived there with Babz (we were dressed as Sid and Nancy; I was Nancy) and a couple of other friends.

And then -- THEN -- in walks...SAMARA!!! There she was, Shannon, but not at all Shannon anymore. She was Samara, plain and simple. Her normally curly red hair was replaced by a wig in the form of Samara's hair exactly, and she had on a little girl white nightgown. And what of her face you could see was pale and scary. All night long, she kept her eyes dead, and she walked haltingly, like Attack-Mode Samara. People were TERRIFIED. Drunk guys were trying to not let on that they were scared of the tiny girl jerking around the bar, and drunk girls were crying. I'm not kidding.

Fast forward to March 2005, when the magic of Samara was revived. And I'm not talking about "The Ring 2." Although I sort of am, so never mind. Opening night, Shannon informs me that she will be reprising her role as Samara at the movie theater. I didn't know whether to believe her or not, because although she did a bang-up job on Halloween, that was Halloween, and everyone was drunk. Shannon, growing up, was a very shy girl, and even now, though she is more outgoing, I did not expect her to go to a movie theater dressed in a nightgown and wig.

But she did! And the payoff was fantastic. She was greeted by millions of screams in the movie theater, which was packed for opening night. Everyone was asking for a picture in his/her cell phone, a request that she obliged silently. She did not break character ONCE. Did not speak, did not smile -- NOTHING. We sat behind a 10-year-old boy and his father, and the boy leaned farther and farther away from us as the movie went on, and every time a scary part came, he gave us an apprehensive look. It was awesome.

Afterwards, not only did the manager refund our money, maybe since Shannon distracted the viewers from realizing that they should ALL be getting refunds since the movie was not very good, but he gave us his flashlight and told us to go scare the people in the later showing. Again, there was much screaming, but this time, applause as well.

Energized by the enthusiastic response, we decided to take the show on the road! We didn't know if the people in the neighboring multiplex would let us in, but the security guard found us funny, if bewildering. He let us in the back entrance to a theater with 400 seats! The multiplex had four showings going on, and he let us into each one, and as the evening wore on, we'd developed an entourage complete with security guards, concession stand boys, and random girls who may or may not have worked there.

Each movie theater brought with it a new bout of awesomeness. Laughing, screaming...one guy flipped over the ledge to get away from Samara! We thought he was just being dramatic, but when we looked at him, he was staring straight ahead, trying to catch his breath. I think maybe he was high.

When all was said and done, a very fun night was had, and it was well worth the trip (Geddit -- well?). I dont remember the last time I laughed so hard. So again, if you or someone you know has the ability to stay in character all night long, take a trip to your local movie theater and scare some people. Before everyone realizes that "The Ring 2" isnt really worth the money. Without a real-life Samara, that is.

©2005

Some Thank Yous

Thank you, Coffee Cart Man, for another buyback.


Thank you, Stephenie, for switching your vote to James.


Thank you, Mom, for being awesome and also for buying me skirts and girly shoes last week.


Thank you, Eric, for waiting till 11:20pm on Thursday to watch "Survivor" with me.


Thank you, Mr. Cop, for turning a blind eye to my lack of registration and insurance information.


Thank you, Chris, for getting me the correct donut which nobody ever does and ESPECIALLY for the surprise coffee, which ruled hard.


Thank you, America, for not voting off Nadia this week.


Thank you, The Great Impasta Italian Restaurant in Maine, for having such a good name.


Thank you, Shannon, for giving us that beautiful karaoke rendition of "Blue Bayou" before succumbing to the croup.


Thank you, Jacob, for your beyond-brilliant writing.


Thank you, Babz, for lending me cigarettes, a sweatshirt, a shamrock scarf and a hat, all in one week.


Thank you, Tracy Chapman, for continuing to make beautiful music even after the radio stupidly stopped playing you except for "Give Me One Reason."


Thank you, everyone who has read my journal so far, and especially for posting nice things.


Thank you, God, for Good Friday, and for everyone and everything in my life.

©2005

Stupid Tuesday

I hate Tuesdays. There is no redeeming quality to them. At least on Monday, you are still kind of going on weekend momentum, and have theoretically gotten a couple extra hours of sleep. Plus, you know. The communal Monday bemoaning. All day long, like it or not, you spend time exchanging "It's Monday" shrugs and weary smiles in the bathroom with people you don't know. No one expects you to be happy on a Monday. That day lives in infamy.

And every other day has its own special something. Wednesday is Hump Day. And on Thursday, you can be like, "Well, tomorrow's Friday." You can even go to the bar on Thursday without feeling like you're signing your own death warrant. And Fridays obviously rule. Even if you do go out on Thursday, making Friday more difficult to endure, you can get a greasy breakfast, because, hey! It's Friday! You've been good all week; it's time to treat yourself! And treat your hangover!

All of this may sound like I wish the weeks away, and by extension, my life. I get that. And I've tried to snap myself out of it, and be all, "Oh, yay, four whole days left in this beautiful week, la la la!" But I just can't do it. I'm SORRY.

Maybe I resent Tuesdays so much now not only for the aforementioned reasons, but because there is a gaping hole where "Buffy" used to be. I used to get excited for Tuesdays, because every week at 8:00, I got to sit down with the best show ever. I looked forward to it all week. When the previews for the next episode would come on, I'd think, "How can I ever wait till next Tuesday?"

Now? Nothing. "Gilmore Girls?" "Gilmore Girls" can kiss my ass. Don't get me wrong. It's still one of my favorite shows, but in recent years, I never know what I'm gonna be getting. It might be an awesome episode, full of laughter and tears. Or it might be a night of wacky townies and random Rory-at-Yale plots, where I am like Who ARE these people? Why was this written? Is she ever going to be interesting again? Because if I wanted to see college-aged people smarm about in a boring manner, I could, you know, go outside. I live on Long Island, after all. Or if I wanted to hear about cereal, I could just read my brother's website, which is infinitely more interesting than watching Rory and Logan steal Cocoa Puffs.

And it's sad. Because "Gilmore Girls" had excellent potential to be the perfect Tuesday evening "Buffy" replacement. At its best, which used to be every episode, it's like being in your pajamas eating ice cream, while wrapped in a pink, warm, furry blanket. It's comforting. Nice. And witty, to boot!

But now I can't count on that, so there is no guarantee to take the edge off of my most hated day. So I'm cranky and bitter and sad. And also, I had to go to a meeting today about how AWESOME! my company is doing, although it would be nice to see some of that awesomeness reflected in my paycheck so I didnt have to go part-time job hunting this (Tuesday) evening.

Oh well. At least tomorrow's Hump Day. And "Survivor" is on!

©2005

When Television And Music Join Forces

I did not mention television once yesterday! Not once! Time to make up for that, as today I would like to discuss some synergistic musical television moments. Those times when no matter how good a scene is, it turns magical when paired with just the right song. Likewise, sometimes a song by itself ranges from good to awesome, but becomes unforgettable when used on a show in just the right way. Here are some of those times, in my humble opinion (™Patty and Angela Chase):


1. "Full of Grace" by Sarah Mclachlan in "Becoming, Part II" ("Buffy")

This one is classic. Almost any "Buffy" fan will agree on that! Following up genius Christophe Beck must have been tough, but "Full of Grace" is perfect. That beat, that tiny beat after "Close Your Eyes" ends, right before the opening strains of "Full of Grace" -- it's this perfect moment of stillness between the horror Buffy's been through and the crushing depression to follow.


2. "Hallelujah" by Jeff Buckley in "The Model Home" ("The O.C.")

I'd fallen in love with this song before I ever watched "The O.C.," and didn't think it could make me feel any more than it already did. But "The O.C." music people are pretty unfailingly awesome. I thought that in the first several episodes, the Ryan/Marissa relationship was very compelling, that you got a sense of two seemingly very different people drawn together by a desperate loneliness that they kept hidden from everyone but each other. And in this scene, with the empty house, the fire, the frustration and the sadness, "Hallelujah" is the perfect song -- haunting and complex, and the line, "It's a cold and its a broken Hallelujah," says it all.


3. "Harder Now That It's Over" by Ryan Adams in "The Storm" ("Felicity")

Oh my word! This scene is so hard to watch. Keri Russell's such a phenomenal actress, and this episode is absolutely heartwrenching. Her letter pleading with Ben to look beyond the surface -- beyond the useless words, to what they have together that goes so much deeper -- makes me cry every single time. And "Harder Now That It's Over" is lovely without intruding on the voiceover and the montage (yay!) of bittersweet Ben and Felicity moments. Aww.


4. "Return To Innocence" by Enigma in "The Zit" ("My So-Called Life")

I love the way this show can take something so trivial as a pimple and use it as a catalyst to bring healing to Angela's relationships with both Sharon and her mother. And I always loved this song, because it kind of makes me feel like I'm flying. It's so perfect for this moment, where Angela watches Sharon and her mom, and Danielle and Patty walk down the runway in the fashion show. I think it really captures that fleeting period of time as a teenage girl, where your relationship with your mother is so confusing, because you keep clashing since you're growing up and think you know everything, but you're also still a girl who wants her mommy. It's like in this moment, Angela sort of realizes that no matter what a person's age, she wants to feel special and beautiful, and the more we can all help each other and ourselves feel that way, the happier we'll be.


5. "My Lover's Prayer" by Otis Redding in "From Where To Eternity"
("The Sopranos")

Another show that does a GREAT job with its music. Otis Redding's voice is so plaintive and wonderful. And maybe it's just my own interpretation, but I think his hopeful words in "My Lover's Prayer" belie a resignation to a sadder fate. Kind of like most of the characters on "The Sopranos." This episode makes you think that maybe Christopher's going to turn his life around as he has his otherworldly experience, but attempts at positive life changes never really work out too well for the people on this show. "My life is such a weary thing," indeed.

©2005

Life Lessons Of The Week

1. If you discover that it's snowing outside, even though it's almost April, put on your headphones and blast "Open Arms" by Journey. Works like a charm.

2. Going to visit one of your best friends in the hospital after she's just had a baby can be a really nice way to spend an evening.

3. Looking at greeting cards when you have PMS is a very bad idea, because you might just start crying right there in the aisle.

4. You would think that the 50% off card store wouldn't charge $9.99 for a string bracelet, but you would be wrong.

5. It is harder to find coloring books than you might realize.

6. "Tonsillitis" is the more common spelling than "tonsilitis," which makes no sense.

7. Bedazzlers are actually very difficult to use.

8. You may never understand why Simon Cowell is so infatuated with Carrie Underwood, or why she out of everybody got to sing twice during the "Brady Bunch Variety Hour" last week.

9. At any given point in time, you can hear "Boulevard Of Broken Dreams" on the radio, as much as you might REALLY NOT WANT TO ANYMORE.

10. There are people who still say "You can't handle the truth!"

11. Those same people expect you to laugh when they say it.

12. Although spending time with your friend and her newborn is amazing, eating lunch while your coworkers discuss their placenta experiences is not.

13. Certified Swedish Dog Behaviorist is an actual job that people have.

14. When you are experiencing a devastating breakup, and you go to H&M, and you hear a voice inside your head telling you to buy that strapless leopard-print dress, IGNORE IT.

15. It's okay to be late for work if there is a really beautiful cardinal outside your window, and you need to watch it for a few minutes to feel happier about life.

©2005

Ponderings

- My Zone bar tasted REALLY good this morning. Why? Why this morning? Don't get me wrong, I think the Zone bars are pretty tasty, but this morning it was extra good.

- Why can't I get "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" out of my head???

- What kind of brilliantly bizarre mind thinks to compare the relative merits of Catherine Zeta-Jones and bagels?

- Why can't people read Snopes before they send me forwards? WHY?

- Who decided that green was the It Color of 2005? What does that mean? Why is this? It's all very annoying.

- Why must women pee all over the toilet seats? This really pisses me off, har har. No, but seriously. It's like, first of all, if you really have such a delicate heiny (TM Suzy from Calvin And Hobbes) that you just can't deign to share a toilet with others, fine. Use one of those seat covers, or spread some paper on the seat, or, if you really must, squat. That's your business. But when your business becomes my business, then we have a problem; i.e., do NOT leave droplets all over the seat, and do NOT leave toilet paper there either!!! Really, if you're such a fancy lady that you can't sit on a toilet seat, please be fancy enough to not leave it more disgusting than when you entered the stall. Thanks.

- What could it possibly mean that Annette Bening is randomly in my dream the night before I watch "The Sopranos" ep where she is randomly in Tony's dream? This worries me a bit.

- Why do people claiming to be cereal aficionados destroy their credibility by saying "Captain Crunch?" It's Cap'n!

- Why doesn't the radio play Rilo Kiley?

- What is the point of washing my shirt if it is still going to have cat hair and random crumbs all over it?

- Why do toy companies re-create toys from my youth, only to make them suck? I can think of two examples offhand: Hungry, Hungry Hippos, which have apparently developed some sort of eating disorder, and the Fisher Price Little People, which are now pretty darn big.

- Why didn't I get another coffee from Coffee Cart Man when I had the chance???

@copy;2005

Thoughts In My Head On The Drive To Work This Morning

1. It's really nice out. I wish I didn't have to go to work.

2. Although, if I didn't have work, there's no way I'd be awake.

3. And even if I was, who am I kidding? I'm never motivated to go outside just because it's nice.

4. I think I'm gonna be late for work.

5. Paris Hilton has a song??? What is wrong with this world???

6. "Screwed"?

7. Okay, this song sucks even worse than I would expect.

8. This is REALLY REALLY bad.

9. So wait, what is this about? How is it that she knows what his type is, and what he needs, but she has to get his number? Wouldn't she already have it?

10. Why do I care?

11. Oh my God, they're gonna play this in clubs, aren't they? And people are going to be around me, dancing and singing thinking they're all "sexy" like Paris, and I'm going to hate them based on that alone.

12. I think this is even worse than "Rumors."

13. How did she go from being brunette to blonde again in like, a week?

14. This song makes no sense.

15. At least all the callers hate it too. It restores my faith in humanity a tiny bit.

16. Wow, a lot of Long Island women really sound like they're holding their noses while they talk.

17. No, it would NOT be okay to dance to in a club, Caller! What did I JUST say?

18. Yeah, I'm definitely gonna be late. Oh well.

19. Maybe I'll do that detox diet from the book in the bathroom. It must work. You have to eat millet porridge.

20. But I really enjoy my toxins.

21. Maybe I will keep my toxins, and just eat the millet. Then I get to go to the health food store!

22. Health food stores smell really gross.

23. Why do some people wear those furry boots and look really cute, but some look like they're on their way to shovel snow?

24. Wow, Miss Jones really is kind of racist, isn't she?

25. Oh wow, I might not be late!

26. If this LADY stops proving some kind of POINT by refusing to go at a REASONABLE LEFT LANE SPEED!

27. Oh, she's eating her breakfast. Carry on, Lady. Sorry for being so rude to you in my mind! Enjoy your egg sandwich!

28. When guys, like rocker guys, have shaggy, devil-may-care hair, it's all ruined when they are so "here is my hair" about it.

29. What guy in his right mind thinks non-ironic long hair is a good idea nowadays?

30. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING???

31. Why is 102.3 playing this? Is this Muddy Waters?

32. I think its Led Zeppelin.

33. Weird.

34. Oh my God, I think I'm really gonna be on time!

35. This song is blowing my mind and it's not even 8:30 yet.

36. GET OUT OF MY WAY!!!!!!

37. I can't believe I smoked 12 Marlboro Reds last night and lived to tell the tale.

38. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?????????

39. Is it too early in the morning to eat a cheeseburger?

40. I think I'm on time because everyone got drunk last night and stayed home from work today. Thanks, Drunk People!

©2005

Ay Ay Oh Ya Ya Ya

You might not believe this, but I am obsessed with "Survivor." I know, television breeds the idle minds, but every now and then I like to indulge a little, so I allow myself to watch "the Survivor." (™Sandy Cohen, begatten of Jerry Seinfeld.)

Anyway, if you haven't ever watched "Survivor," or if you stopped because it got repetitive, frustrating, and/or just downright sucked -- start watching. NOW. Because it is so great, I can't even tell you. It rocks in every way.

I don't know what happened, exactly. Because you always hear from shows that you love, but go downhill, then promise to get good again, but just get worse and worse until they get put out of their misery and you are kind of sad, but kind of relieved. Or you witness a show that's "back!" because it has an amazingly great episode or few, and you knew the show could do it, because it hasn't been on the air that long, and never had a reason to not be good, and should still be great. But then you feel suckered, because the show gets really uneven again, and you don't cry when your sister erases it from the DVR out of spite.

Ahem.

But "Survivor" managed to do it. I'm not kidding. First of all, the challenges they've done this season are COOL. None of this "all puzzles, all the time" nonsense they devolved into awhile back, and no tedious retreads of the show's "glory days." Nope! It's like Mark Burnett and the gang drank a lot of coffee one night while listening to The Killers or something and were like, "Dude! You know what would totally RULE? If we like, had people push each other underwater, and just basically beat the crap out of each other!" Lather, rinse, repeat for basically all the challenges so far. Except for that awesome one w/the sandbag carrying. Okay, and the one where they had to build a bathroom. So I guess they aren't all violent. But the point is, the challenges this season are really ambitious and interesting, and I appreciate it.

Almost as much as I appreciate being given not one, but two boyfriends this season! Tom and Ian are like Batman and Robin or something, all cool and fighting crime, and just being awesome together. Whether chopping the heads off of snakes, or staying underwater for 7 minutes at a time to single(double?)handedly win immunity for Koror, Tom and Ian rule. And seem like genuinely lovely people, which is...heck, they make me want to say super! And I guess they make me want to say "heck," too.

And my non-boyfriends are pretty great, too, for the most part. Stephenie is my new hero. Girl is hardcore! And I like Angie, and Bobby Jon in all his psycho glory. There really isn't anyone I don't care for, except for Kim, and she's thankfully gone. Why was she there to begin with, exactly?

Which is my only sadness regarding this season. I had a really rough time last spring, and although it wasn't exactly heralded by my beloved Television Without Pity, the "All-Star" season really helped me get through things, and inspired me. Which made me want to go on "Survivor" myself! And I was all set to do it! Unfortunately, I procrastinated, as I am wont to do, and at the last minute, thought my passport was lost. So I didn't send in my tape and application. Not that I would have gotten on necessarily. I know the odds. But I still think I would have been better than the people they've cast in the young-ish generic blonde slots this season. So that is my only complaint. And it really has not that much to do with the season itself except to say, "Kim???" And maybe Jenn is all set to have some kind of entertaining breakdown or something, or was on some pretty great drugs throughout the audition process, because I have no idea why she is there.

So anyway. If anyone out there is reading this, remember that "Survivor" is on tonight (Wednesday) this week! And Mark Burnett, if you spend your free time reading random web diaries, please put me on your show -- Thanks!

©2005

10 Moments That Have Made Me Sob (TV)

So I am not known for being the most emotionally stable person. However, I am known (by the people who, well, know me) for having a slightly unnatural empathy for fictional characters. With that, I now present to you the first installment of...

10 Moments That Have Made Me Sob (TV)
1. Just a couple of weeks ago, on "The O.C.," when Summer is watching that little Seth Cohen-esque kid playing with the horse. The look on Rachel Bilson's face is all sad and sweet and lovely, and then that "Champagne Supernova" cover kicks up, and Kirsten picks up Sandy from the bus, and I don't really care about the rest that's going on, but I'm a sucker for a montage, especially on "The O.C."

2. Maybe I'm especially a sucker for "O.C." montages involving covers of songs, because I can't not mention the final scene of the Season One finale. I just love Kelly Rowan, and when she loses it while she's in the empty poolhouse -- man.

3. Oh, "Buffy." Especially second-half-of-season-two "Buffy." But to pick an entire half season would be cheating, so right now I will just mention the last scene of "Innocence," where she and her mom have the cupcake scene in their sweats. You really get that it's possibly the first time in Buffy's life that her mom's presence isn't enough to make everything at least a little bit better.

4. When Doyle dies on "Angel," and they replay his commercial. "Am I done?" Man, especially now.

5. The last scene of that episode of "Growing Pains" where Carol didn't end up marrying Bobby, and she's standing there all heartbroken and alone. Then Mike comes home and is all Mike Seaver about things, but Carol's voice just breaks, "Oh, Mike," and she goes over and hugs him and he looks all shocked, and goes, "It's okay, Carol. It's okay." That was my crying scene for a really long time when I was 13.

6. "I'm ready to wallow now."

7. When Charlie goes to Chicago to see Kirsten on "Party of 5." They realize they're still in love, and she leaves to be with him, because even though she is struggling with depression, she feels happy again. But then she keeps complaining about how everything in the hotel is nubbly -- the sheets, the towels -- nubbly. And then she is all sad and crying by the pool, and her hair looks as despondent as she is, because I think that on top of the towel's being nubbly, the water was hard or the pressure was bad. Or both. And she tells Charlie that she realizes he is the trigger for her depression, and she can't be with him. Charlie goes home, and I think at this point I am already crying about the other plot with Bailey and Sarah, but I really go over the edge when Charlie sits all alone on the staircase and cries his heart out.

8. "Time Stands Still, Part 2" on "Degrassi: The Next Generation." From the moment Jimmy gets shot till the end. Powerful, powerful stuff.

9. "It's a film canister."..."No. It's a time machine."

10. Oh wow. How could I have almost forgotten this? The Our Town scene in "My So-Called Life!" Holy crap! That scene kicks so much ass I can't even talk about it. Except to say that it rules hard, and I love A.J. Langer/Rayanne's reading of "No" after Angela asks, "Were you happy?" And I love that Angela's chin is doing the trembly thing that Rayanne mimics earlier in the episode when they were still friends, which by the end of this episode ("Betrayal") feels like forever ago.

©2005

My Monday Morning

The Bad:

- I went upstate this weekend, and left my jacket there. My jacket contained my swipecards for work and also my ATM card. So even though I was on time for work for a change, I had no electronic proof of this.

- I also couldnt get into the building.

- And I had to drive to work on empty.

- I used some of my precious morning minutes to make oatmeal at home since I had no money for a bagel from the coffee cart man, but although i followed the directions, and although I have made this oatmeal a million times, for some reason, it exploded in the microwave, then petrified and also smelled like fish.

- I left my water in my car and cant go get it since I cant get back in the building.

- I begged for a mercy coffee from my friend, then proceeded to spill it all over my desk, jeans, and the floor.

- I managed to electrically shock my left breast as I accidentally banged into my cubicle wall.

- What looked like a clean shirt when I found it on my floor actually has a stain on it and is covered with cat hair.


The Good:

- Nikko is back on "American Idol." Good for him, I think he got a bum deal before. I feel bad for Mario, but this is my "good" list.

- I finally managed to watch the first two episodes of Season 5 "Sopranos" so now I can read Aarons TwoP recaps of them .

- My coffee (the part that I didn't spill) may finally be kicking in.

- I'm learning some HTML!

- I am wearing my respectable sneakers today as opposed to the literally falling apart ones that I wear every day because they make me taller and I am too lazy to go to Payless.

- Its sunny out. I dont really care that much, but my OCD tendencies mandate that I have 14 things on my list(s) since it is the 14th.

©2005

Mmm, Canned Pineapple

You know what I love? Vending machines. My job just moved buildings, and now we have new vending machines that have 7-11 food! Hot Pockets, burritos, those random sandwiches made of chicken and pork that even though I don't really like chicken or pork always taste good because they are bathed in so much salt and breading and/or barbecue sauce. The machines even have yogurt! I kind of hate yogurt, but I might just start eating it because the machine is so cool and even gives you a spoon! And it's Breyer's, not that creepy liquid stuff that is really disgusting.

I don't know where this obsession with vending machines comes from, but I know I'm not the only one who has it. Last year, I went bowling with some friends, and we spent the whole time we weren't bowling or at the bar buying stuff from those machines with the bubble toys. It was all crap of course, but they had superhero necklaces, and we couldn't stop until we had them all!

Maybe it's because when I was younger, my family didn't have much money, so I was never given quarters, or allowed to eat convenience food, and am now making up for lost time. I used to spend what felt like forever in Foodtown while my parents grocery shopped, and I'd pretend to be playing Ms. Pac-Man, since it does that demonstration thing when no one's using it. But then some kids would inevitably come by and want to play, so I'd have to relinquish my spot, all envious of their quarters and actual power over the joystick.

For whatever reason, to this day, although I am pushing 30, I cannot resist the siren song of a machine that will give me stuff, and I'm therefore extremely excited by the vending machines in my office building. Now all they need to get is one of those Ms. Pac-Man/Galaga machines like on "The O.C.," and our cafeteria will ROCK!


(Wow, I almost made it through an entire entry with no TV reference!

©2005

Whatever, Size 3

Okay, so I was listening to 102.7 (on Long Island) today. I'm not sure about the name of the radio station, because ever since they stopped playing talk radio, I stopped paying attention. Even though many of the shows irritated me to no end, I loved knowing that there was a station of people talking, because it made me feel less alone in my car. And the Radio Chick rocked. I met her once, and she was really nice.

Anyway. So I was listening to the new 102.7, and they were talking about "Fat Actress" and subjective sexiness in society. I will disclaim(er?) that I really didn't get to hear too much of the actual discussion, and the DJs themselves, particularly the woman, seemed cool enough, so my beef is not with them.

My beef and also perplexity lies with the question of whether or not a woman is sexy even if she's not a size three. First of all, "three"? I didn't even know that was a size! I know 3/4 is a size, but I've actually never heard of anyone being a size three. Two, yes, four, yes. But not three. Although I guess in "Mean Girls" there was that store "1-3-5."

And if three is a size, I guess it is kind of nice, because it is a size up from two, which leads to my actual question/beef. At what point did size two become the new size six? When did this start? Where was I?

Growing up, I of course was an avid reader of Sweet Valley High. And at the beginning of every single book was the famous description of the twins, with their golden, silky hair, eyes the color of the Pacific Ocean, and lavaliere necklaces that laid against their golden tanned skin of their -- say it with me -- "perfect size 6 figures." Even at age ten, I knew this was a very white-bread, Barbie doll image of beauty. But a size six sounded pretty good. Slim, certainly, but not necessarily skinny. And definitely healthy. They'd have to be healthy for Jessica to do cheerleading, and for Elizabeth to go on all those hikes with Todd around Seneca Lake.

But then, out of seemingly nowhere, came a line on "Popular." Mary Cherry was running for homecoming queen or spring maiden or some such title, but of course Brooke was the favorite to win. Delta Burke was Mary Cherry's mother, and at one point, I believe it was she who said something about Mary Cherry being a "size ten" (bad) and Brooke being a "perfect size two" (good). Either way, I remember being offended, but mostly taken aback. Because "two" was the new perfect. The new ideal.

Now, I'm pretty sure that this didn't start with "Popular," that the show just brought this size two thing to my attention, but it seemed like all of a sudden, it was everywhere. Sarah Michelle Gellar had "miniaturized" to a size two. Lindsey Lohan just did it a month or two ago. And although the editorial reaction to this "news" usually ranges from "concerned" to "horrified," depending on whether you're reading People or Star, it also often carries with it a certain awe, and before you know it, size two is the new size six.

This bugs me, and I don't understand it. Why does everyone want to be a size two? Or why are we supposed to want to be a size two? Because, okay. There are some women who are size two or even smaller, and they look great, because that's the size at which they are healthy and feel good. That is awesome. I am no skinny-hater!

I guess what bugs me the most about this is, for most women, wishing to be a size two will always mean wishing that our bodies were not just slimmer or healthier, but different. Not our own. And that's just not cool. Let's not feed into it!

So to speak.

©2005

Hello!

Hello! This is my first web diary, and I must warn you that I do not yet have a theme, except for the fact that I plan to talk about television shows a lot, because I have an utterly useless memory bank of such things. I get enough looks as it is about the fact that I know so much about certain shows, and my seeming inability to separate the fantasy of television from the reality of life. Once I start talking in episode titles, the looks change from amusement/pity to slight horror. I try to tell people that there are really intelligent, dynamic people on the Internet that are way more obsessive about TV than I am, but it doesn't seem to matter. And now that "Buffy" has ended, and along with it, the "Buffy" quote game on the Television Without Pity forums, I have no outlet.

And there is also my Cindy Lubbock reason. Who out there loved "Just the Ten of Us?" Or at least watched it? Does anyone remember "Radio Days," the one where Cindy really wants to prove herself in life, and so she decides to be a d.j.? I actually don't remember the details of this ep as well as some of the others, but it was definitely one where Cindy is all deep, and realizing that she is more than just a pretty face, big boobs, and great hair -- she is TALENTED! Anyway, she said something at the end about how she liked the idea of being a voice in the night, and that maybe someone would hear her and feel a little less lonely.

So there is that. I've definitely stumbled across sites, and shows, and books that have made me feel way less alone, and if I could give that back to someone, that would be awesome. I think that's one of the reasons some people are more prone to slightly obsessing over fictional characters. Sometimes, there's just so much crap in your head, and personally, I am way too antisocial to connect all the time with other people, so it's like you supplement the real people in your life with the fictional people! To me, it makes perfect sense. To some, it sounds psychotic. Maybe it's both.

Other things I like besides TV! Well, I mentioned Television without Pity, which is about TV, but also about great writing and really smart people, as are Tomato Nation and Fametracker. I also love Rilo Kiley, '80s hair metal, kick-ass hip hop, curly hair, and cats. I hate generic "dance" music, mayonnaise, and how hard it is to find work as a proofreader. Oh, and dullminded meat/chickenheads who somehow manage to multiply and take over Long Island clubs like gremlins in the movie theater.

Okay, I think I am done for today. I hope if you're reading this now that you'll come back!

©2005