Anything, everything, whatever comes out of my brain on a given day.
Friday, November 28, 2008
The Gift Of Fear -- Why You Should Read It
So I've always loved selling things door to door. Since I was a youngster reading comics, I was intrigued by the Olympic Sales Club ads, assuring me that the only reason I didn't have cool geek toys was that I hadn't tried hard enough.
Fast-forward, skipping details (for now!), and you have me selling M&Ms in my cheerleading uniform door to door, to raise money for our new uniforms!
Hundreds of doors went well. Then there was that one day. That one series of moments.
I cheerfully asked the dude peering out from his door if he'd like to buy M&Ms to support the cheerleading squad.
Was I serious? He wondered with his eyes.
He realized I was. And stepped out from behind the door. Before, I had just thought that I'd woken up some well-meaning single guy.
Meanwhile, here was this newly awakened person, stepping out from behind the door to reveal..his penis.
What happened to me in that moment will be explained in a future installment. Somehow, I knew not to upset this guy, but that I needed to leave RIGHT NOW.
So I said something neurotically (craziest person in the room always wins), and headed down the steps…
…then WALKED REALLY FAST. I didn't run. But I speed-walked like a superhero.
I can feel it all. The uniform in need of updating. The suntan No Nonsense hose on my leg. The Tri-County Flea Market scrunchee socks. The Keds.
All very adorable in theory for 1991, all very pounding the pavement with the beating of my pulse, that one October afternoon.
I had to get away.
If you are at all intrigued, awesome. Click the book link below; buy it; learn it love it.It really could save your life.
So I must go on record as vehemently disagreeing with the notion of self-publishing as lesser, or cheating. If self-publishing were doable for me right now, I'd do it. It's a hell of a lot of work; it's expensive, and it requires overcoming the naysayers who don't count you as a "real" author. I call bullshit on that last one!!!
Personally, I see it as no less than outside publishing -- just like an indie movie versus big studio. Good is good, and how often are the independents better than the studios? It is the same concept. Either you get someone to pick up your stuff, which is also awesome, but you often have to spend years, years in which you risk compromising a lot of what you've written. Often, the end product little resembles the original.
None of which is sour grapes. I would LOVE it if a publisher wanted me. But in the meantime, let's give it up for the independent authors of our time! We could be witnessing a new revolution, much like cinema in the '90s.
That said, I encourage everyone to support fellow Myspace writer Man and the City. His book is now available on Amazon, and you can check it out by clicking here.
Of course, this is not a sales pitch or an order. Just a heads-up. I'm tired of hearing how little Myspace means, and I'm tired of the snobbery towards self-publishing. You want to write a book? Do it! Let's support each other -- let's make this happen. [/CHEERLEADING]
Everyone, have a great Thanksgiving! FWIW, I'm pretty bummed about the holiday, first without my family here, so if you need to bah humbug it all, that is okay by me. But I hope you have a great day no matter what.
So this has been a big, controversial year full of politics and rage. An election and a rejection. Fights. Fear. A collapsing economy.
I figured out why. It's simply been too long since we had great, motivating songs in our movies and by extension, surrounding culture! To help out with this problem, I have compiled a list of my top 10 personal '80s faves, in descending order of awesomeness and life importance. Listen to them and you'll see – the power is within, dude. Just listen to the musical cheerleaders, and discover for yourself.
10. "Iron Eagle" by King Kobra, from "Iron Eagle"
This song does not stand out compared to others as such, but "Iron Eagle" is of course one of the best movies ever made. I can't make a list about kickass movie things from the '80s and not represent for "Iron Eagle." I mean, really.
9. "Dream Warriors" by Dokken, from "Nightmare on Elm Street 3"
I didn't even see "Nightmare on Elm Street" the original until this year or possibly 2007, but I must have watched this video…I don't even know how many times. It's creepy. And I love how Patricia Arquette is always playing people who get followed around and haunted. This video kicked ASS back in the day, as did the song, and it was a predecessor for metal in my future grown-up life. Make of that what you will.
8. "The Heat is On" by Glenn Frey, from "Beverly Hills Cop"
Deer neer neer neer neer, neer neer neer neer neer! Ohoh-ohoh, ohoh-ohoh, tell me can you feel it! I sure can!
7. "You're the Best" by Joe Esposito, from "The Karate Kid"
This would be higher, but the top seven is a super-tight race, and song-wise, I'd rather listen to the top six. Awesomeness-wise, let's give it up for THIS:
6. "The Power of Love" by Huey Lewis and the News, from "Back to the Future"
In 1985, my friend Ann Marie saw this before me, and spent approximately 15 minutes explaining this song, and all I got from it was this:
"Credit cards and subway turnstiles and Huey Lewis and it's great."
No idea what she was talking about, or why she and her brother would NOT stop singing or talking about this song.
And then I saw "Back to the Future." Mind you, I was in utter love with Michael J. Fox, so that he was so connected to a song about the power of love? Well, I was SOLD.
5. "Footloose" by Kenny Loggins, from "Footloose"
Again, I only saw this movie this year (and don't EVEN get me started on the remake) but in all those years, I still understood the magic. "Footloose" makes me feel like my feet have wings and I am flying through meadows of lightning and unicorns and joy.
4. "Burning Heart" by Survivor, from "Rocky IV"
I feel like this song is extremely underrated. Personally, this song was always AWESOME to me. Just great. I saw "Rocky IV" in the theaters and always loved the Rocky movies. IV was my favorite because I thought Dolph Lundgren was really hot and badass. He had that awesome accent. "I will break you." Woohoo! And if the song is good enough to work out to in Soviet Russia in the freezing cold, it is good enough for me.
But this song – dude. I'm just going to give you the lyrics, 'cause they're too great to choose from, and I feel a life-kinship to them, and the serious expression on the singer's face below :-D
Two worlds collide – rival nations, It's a primitive clash - venting years of frustrations, Bravely we hope against all hope – there is so much at stake Seems our freedom's up against the ropes. Does the crowd understand? Is it East versus West, or man against man Can any nation stand alone?
In the burning heart – just about to burst, There's a quest for answers, an unquenchable thirst, In the darkest night – rising like a spire, In the burning heart – the unmistakable fire
In the warrior's code – there's no surrender, Though his body says stop – his spirit cries – never!* Deep in our soul a quiet ember, Knows it's you against you, It's the Paradox that drives us on It's a battle of wills, in the heat of attack, It's the passion that kills The victory is yours alone.
*My favorite part :)
3. "Danger Zone" by Kenny Loggins, from "Top Gun"
It was very close, this and "Burning Heart," but they did this song on "Kids, Incorporated," so. Plus, dude – Kenny Freakin' Loggins! 'Nuff said.
2. "Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor, from "Rocky III"
If I have to explain this one outside of why wasn't it number one, I'm not sure this relationship is going to work out between us.
1. "St. Elmo's Fire (Man in Motion)" by John Parr, from "St. Elmo's Fire"
"St. Elmo's Fire" is far from my favorite movie on this list. But this song has always evoked a visceral reaction from me. There is this amazing urgency to it. The opening line, "Growing up, you don't see the writing on the wall" gives me chills every single time. The verses are so hushed, like you know the song's gonna take off, but for now we need to discuss why that is going to be so EXCITING.
And just overall, this song encapsulates the word that matters most to me: hope. It's about true courage, about fighting, soaring, even after you've been seemingly defeated.
You broke the boy in me But you won't break the man
BE Aggressive! B-E aggressive! B-E-AGG-Rrrrr-ESSIVE, aggressive! B-E aggressive!
*Clap* *Clap* *Clap*
~ Every cheerleader, everywhere.
Back in the day, I was a cheerleader. I'd always wanted to be a cheerleader, but it wasn't society's grasp on me; it was about wanting to be magical. To smile and yell and jump and dance and cheer people on is basically my raison d'etre. Plus, the costume aspect. Dude. Dressing up like a cheerleader is pretty much as close as you can get to dressing up like a superhero, in mainstream society.
But I know how cheerleaders are perceived, and for good reason. Lots of cheerleaders are nasty people. But my ultimate cheerleading superhero, Mary, was my true cheerleading inspiration. First of all, she was one of the most beautiful people I've ever seen in real life, to this day.
But she did not care about that, and showed us why. She was about other things. She volunteered to coach a bunch of junior high cheerleaders, potentially one of the most obnoxious groups ever, point for point, and did it in a manner that I believe would make a Marine Sergeant proud. There was no crying in cheerleading, and she trained us to be the best we could be. It was all very athletic and serious. I accept the reasons that cheerleading is not technically a sport, but take great exception to those who view it as a joke. It is one of the most athletic activities ever.
What made Mary truly awesome, besides all of the above, is one day that has stood out to me, even in my crazy-ridiculous memory. She called a Very Serious Meeting, and brought up something that, God bless my friends in junior high, I honestly had no idea was even an issue.
Mary went on to say that she'd heard cheerleaders were sitting together at lunch. And that some people thought they were getting clique-y, and thinking they were better than everyone else, because they were cheerleaders.
Maybe they (I say they not we because I think I sat with them once at lunch; I loved my friends and missed them that day), Mary continued, just got along because they shared cheerleading in common, in which case she didn't want to jump the gun and judge them, but really, it was important to remember why we were all cheerleaders. Mary reminded us that we were a Christian school, and that meant we were supposed to behave like Jesus. Never excluding anyone, and definitely never thinking we're better. And if any of us did think that way, she should just leave the squad now, because Mary believed that we were all better than that stereotype. This was a brand-new squad, and she'd be ashamed to know she'd created a monster.
AWESOME.
Javier just showed me the movie, "Final Fantasy: Advent Children." In case I haven't made it abundantly clear, Javier makes me a cooler person. If you think I'm cool, it's thanks to him, chances are. And I'm totally cool with that. He is awesome. And you know how I've referred to The Pick System. Well, he uses his picks to show me awesome things. Movies and shows about people coming together to accomplish a greater purpose, and on a good day, heal the world!
In case you're wondering where I am going with all of this, well, this blog is a shoutout and thank you to Mary, one of my most beloved people of all time, but it is also a precursor to future blogs about my recognized pathology (but it's okay) in my love for villains, an apology for not having done a "Heroes" slam book this week (I wanted to give the characters the do-over they are looking for), and why geeks are the best people in the world, and how women could find all their relationship answers by just getting over her drama and going for a geek.
Obvi.
But just to tie it all back together, why would we ever choose to sit at just one lunch table, if all it was based on was a similar costume? Are we really so simple as to care more about that than the person underneath?
Mary told us that cheerleading was just like any other passion. Coming together to do something awesome and beautiful and fun. I feel like sometimes we so associate those feelings with guilt and shame -- why and how did/does that happen? More on this in my upcoming blog about Michael Baiden's awesome site, iseecolor.com.
For now, I am curious. What table did you sit at in high school? What table do you sit at now, as far as these things go? How much does that table mean to you, and why?
Wouldn't it be more awesome if we could all rally together and sing? It would explain a lot about the popularity of/manic obsession with "Grease" movies and "High School Musical," if we could blame it all on our subconsciouses? I just think we'd all be a lot better off if we helped, not hurt, our "collective unconscious," as Javier talks about, which he told me just now is Carl Jung. Funny, 'cause "Final Fantasy" inspired approximately 27 blog ideas, one of which is about how Freud is the true stranglehold over our society, as a whole.
I know.
Also, did you hate cheerleaders? It's okay. This movie sealed for me what I've known all along, what Mary was talking about -- sit at every lunch table. Never presume to know what "better" is. Do your best, try to represent for good, and never, ever, wear a uniform that you do not choose and respect.
Remember a few months ago, when I wrote a blog literally asking if people were trying to get me to NOT vote for their candidate of choice, because their methods were so off-putting? Well I am now wondering this about PETA.
I stumbled across this blog in the top blogs, and was just flabbergasted. Now I know that PETA's never really used the most tactful of messages to get their points across. I knew about the red paint incidents and all that. But I guess I'd put it out of my mind or something.
Because seriously. I seriously want someone to tell me why it is in any way okay to dump a bag of flour on someone's head? To prove a point? Because fur is wrong? Says who? Says PETA, and that is okay. I don't wear fur myself; I'm not looking to justify my mink coat in the closet, but that is not the point.
The point is, I think it's absolutely disgusting that PETA is considered a legitimate organization, when they repeatedly engage in and condone -- terrorist acts sounds too severe, but bullying doesn't sound severe enough. Somewhere in between.
And I believe in free speech, write away, but I find it pretty fucking frustrating that when I left a comment that wasn't glowing, and a reply to another comment, I got that comment approval warning. Shock! Sure enough, I went back later, and another comment was published, but not mine.
To me, that is the worst part of PETA. The smugness. The arrogance. Now, to be clear, I love animals, and you'd be hardpressed to find a person who knows me that would accuse me of being anything close to cruel. I put bugs back outside, free mice from glue traps, all that. I'm not a vegan or even a vegetarian because my body simply can't do it. I understand this is not uncommon for Type O Negative blood.
So it's not that I want people to be cruel to animals. Of course I don't. But in the same way that I am pro-life, but absolutely against bombing abortion clinics and all that crap, I fail to see in any way how PETA does anything but cause division and cater only to people willing to chant their praises.
If anyone could fill me in, I'd seriously like to know. And I'm riled up and pissed off, but still not about drama blogging, so let's just be cool with disagreeing, if it happens. Let's not stoop to PETA's level.
I am SO excited to find this again. I posted it a few years ago, but Youtube deleted it. It's a scene from "The Brady Bunch." Apparently, it was Barry Williams's day off, so he decided to kick back with some *herbal refreshment,* as the kids like to say or at least the kids in "Clueless." BUT THEN! He got called onto the set unexpectedly! The following is Barry "playing it off." :-D
I can't decide what my favorite part is: the tripping (literally), the stage business examining the boat, the looking completely the wrong way at Bobby's entrance and dramatic "recovery," or that intent, Eric-Foreman-in-the-swirling-kitchen way Greg "reacts" when he has no lines and just has to stand there and listen. Either way, I'm just glad it's back on Youtube.
My relationship with videogames, much like comics, has always been weird, sporadic, and old-school. Although I can't work a 360 controller to save my life, there have been many a time when I've been completely obsessed with videogames. So today, I would like to share with you…
Videogames Of My Life
Frogger
My childhood best friend had an Atari, and I was like, obsessed with it. The concept was so cool, and if it had been up to me, I would have played Atari all day long. Frogger was my favorite. I am honestly not sure why; it just was. I'm not even that good at it. But I still love it. The worst is when you're right up to that little box thingy at the end, and you miss it by a hair and go SPLAT right there in the water. That, or when that effing snake appears out of nowhere and tries to kill you >:o
Q-bert
One of my friends growing up had a really nice computer, especially for the time. This was in 1984 – not that common to have a home computer, and this thing was a lot nicer than most at that time. OMG, remember cassette tapes for computers? Anyway, she had Q-bert on her computer, and I just thought this was the best game that ever existed. I played for hours and hours. You can imagine my excitement when I went to Gadgets, or Our Place, and they had Q-bert, because not many arcades did. Unfortunately, the arcade game was much harder for me. Here is my haiku about that:
Falling off the cubes Embarrassment at Our Place Epic fail for me
That Baseball Game Robb Had
My parents were very strict about videogames, and we didn't have a system. But one summer, Robb somehow finagled a baseball game out of them. It was just one game, and all I really remember about it is the dorky announcer's voice: "SINgle." "DOUble." "HOME RUN!" Also, the game used to freeze and kind of go in slow, jerky-motion. But basically that game and Martika define my summer of '89. Once the perm started growing out, of course.
Pitfall
My first cousin once removed had this game. I saw her infrequently, but I vividly remember hanging out with her one day and playing it for hours and hours. I thought it was the best thing ever. Plus, my godmother took us to White Castle that day.
Hunchback
Back in the day, Robb used to borrow his friend Joe's Gameboy and keep it like, all summer long. And of all the games I could have played to keep up with mainstream society, I pick the one that nobody (whom I've talked to) have ever heard of. I don't remember much about this game besides the pulsating black flames (I don't think that's what they were though). You jumped into them and they'd take you away somewhere. The weird thing about this game though is, despite not remembering it, more than any other Gameboy game, I feel like I just played it last week.
TMNT
Yay! I loved this game, although I could only get to a certain point, then no further. Kind of like how I am with most videogames. And math. Ohhhh, maybe there is a connection! Anyway, I played this a lot when I liked not one, but two boys named Mike, so I usually played as Michelangelo.
That Individual Mario Game Robb Had
I remember nothing about this game except effing Lakitu (sp?) kept messing things up and I think throwing hammers at me. Also, this was the first "real, modern" videogame I played, and it kept me from sleeping. The game would just go in my head, on a loop.
Tetris
Dude. I LOVE TETRIS!!!!! It is the best game ever. Whether on Gameboy, in the arcade, on the computer, Tetris kicks ass. And I can understand it, which is always a good thing. My favorite of all Tetris incarnations was the Super Tetris. You got the cutest little bombs! And the backgrounds are really creepy.
This One Game Nobody Remembers
My friend's family had this game on their Commodore 64. All I remember is you had to make colors. Like, box off areas, and they'd turn colors. I was really good at it, and spent hours playing it, but I don't remember the name, and it's driven me crazy for many years. 22, to be exact.
Mickey's Castle of Illusion
You know the expression "off like a prom dress?" Well not only did my prom dress stay on, but I spent the entire next day alone with my date…playing Mickey's Dream Castle. Fun game!
Sonic the Hedgehog (I & II)
My parents made my brother go to an all-boys Catholic high school in Queens, so as a consolation prize, they bought him a Sega. This worked out very well for me because I got to play it without going to an all-boys school. Although that would have been fun. Just like "Just the 10 of Us!" That show = always relevant. Anyway, I loved the Sonic games. I preferred one 'cause it was more straightforward, and didn't have Tails flipping around, distracting me at every turn. And I know I am NOT the only one afraid of drowning in that water. It's so SAD!!! With the bubbles, and stressful with the sped-up music. My parents went away with my brothers one week and I literally spent days playing Sonic (I think I skipped school) and I was too afraid to sleep because the bubbles o' death gave me nightmares.
Mariokart
"Here we go!" "Ahhhwowowowowowow." Those are the sounds of Toad, but I do not know this from firsthand experience, because nobody ever lets me be Toad. It's so SAD! Everyone tries to make me be Princess Peach, and I hate her (sorry Ben!). Still, Mariokart is a really fun game, and good for me, 'cause you don't need to use a lot of buttons! Plus, it's really pretty. Frappe Snowland is so beautiful! And got me some interesting friend requests when it was my Myspace name awhile back.
Family Feud for Sega
Seriously. It's amazing what abstinent couples will do for fun.
Super Marioland
One summer night in 1991, I spent an entire night alternating between playing Super Marioland and reading Portrait of Jenny, start to finish. This is probably my favorite Gameboy game.
Ms. Pac-Man
I LOVE THIS GAME!!!!! When I was younger, the grocery store by my house had it in the vestibule, and when I would go with my parents on seven-hour-long shopping trips, I'd watch other people play, because I never had my own quarters. I'd also pretend to play with the example game. I think I somehow memorized the game, and that is why I truly rock at Ms. Pac-Man. Well, for me, as far as these things go. One thing that bothers me though is that at a certain point, you keep repeating boards, and you just have baby after baby. Like, that's very nice and all, but the stork thing gets old. Maybe send me and the Mister on a cruise! "Act Four: They travel!" Regardless, it is a wonderful, classic game, and superior to plain Pac-Man. Especially on Atari. What was up with that? Regular Pac-Man was this big, slow-moving pie, and the pellets were rectangles, whereas Ms. Pac-Man was all fancy and had real pellets. Weird.
In honor of today, I would like to share links to blogs from my third-party friends. I've taken a lot of flack during this election. If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I was throwing my vote away? I'd have enough for like, 10 balloons for the Democratic and Republican conventions.
For those of you still on the fence, feeling guilt and peer pressure from the people who think there are only two candidates:
It is your vote. Inform yourself, then follow your convictions. At the end of the day, it's just you and that lever. Don't pull the one people told you to pull; pull the one for the person or party who represents what you want to see for the future generations, not just your own.
For me, that is neither major candidate, and I'm not going to sacrifice my convictions for myself, my country, and my family just so that my friends don't think I'm either racist or "not a real Christian." Both are absurd, and that kind of group-think is a major part of why I'm fighting against the two-party machine.
So here is your space everyone! Share links to your blogs, videos, relevant pictures, your thoughts on today. And let's discuss why third-party voters are such a straggly bunch, and how we can come to some unity in 2012.
Just as always, no baby behavior. No "Hussein," "libtard," or any of that crap. Let's talk about our candidates of choice with the dignity they'd want us to exemplify.
On that note, I'm voting for the dude from "Borat!"
Floor is yours.
No, it's not a wasted vote! – Links to other people's political blogs:
Just sometimes, it hits me. This place had a long history before us, has a long future after us. I keep thinking it's a part of our lives, but, really, it's the reverse. For a little while...I don't know. It's like we're a part of its life.
~ Lorelai
Down the block from Javier's place, is the house that I lived in for 20 years. On and off the last few years, but I was the last one living there when it finally sold.
I didn't want to lose it. I did everything in my power to keep that house around, some way, somehow. All to no avail. As of May, I no longer had any right even to set foot on the property, much less go inside.
It stopped being mine.
Because Javier lives so close to the – no longer my – house, I have to drive near it pretty much every day. And every time, I would cry. It was so unfair. That was my house. How could the new owners love it the way I did?
Then one day, I passed by, and things were worse than ever. Shades were up. And from the street, plain as day, was the living room. Completely different.
Changed.
Not mine anymore.
I got bitter. Resentful. Who were these people, and how dare they live in my house? Why would they change it? Now I could never go home!
So I cried. Of course. And I knew I wasn't being reasonable. Few things about my emotions toward losing that house have been reasonable. I didn't care. I wanted my house back. I wanted to just park my car the way I had thousands of times, walk up the porch steps, avoiding that one broken brick, go inside, and see my family.
'Course, my family wasn't there anymore. My brother Robb had moved out a year earlier when he got married. My father and Eric had been in Colorado for almost six months; my mother, sister, and brother Sasha just a bit less.
When my house was finally sold and passed over to this new couple, it hadn't been "home" in some time. The rooms were unoccupied; the yard went unused. Even home cooking smelled lonely, because it was my cooking, not my mom's.
I remembered what my house was like before all that. What it was like growing up in it, so many Thanksgivings, Christmases, sleepover parties, adolescent and not-so-adolescent drama. That house was a haven for me for so long. Was I going to begrudge that to someone else?
Wasn't it more fitting that a young couple planning to have kids should live in this house now? Wouldn't I want those rooms as bright, sunny, and new for everyone as it was for me? Did I really want the house for myself, or did I want to hold onto something that had been long-since gone, just so no one else could have it?
I might always miss the big yellow house with the awesome porch swing. I will definitely always miss having my family under one roof, so close by.
But now it's time to let it go. To let other people be a part of that house's life.
